It’s amazing how quickly you can go from feeling completely connected with God to not feeling close to him at all. One day you bask in his presence and the next you feel an emptiness deep in your soul. I have been struggling with that these past few weeks. When life gets busy I tend to have a one-track mind and the most pressing or visible thing tends to take precedence over everything else. Sadly, my relationship with God, too often, tends to get put on the back burner. This leaves me feeling alone and forsaken, even though I know I did it to myself.
Thankfully, when you aren’t actively pursuing Him, God still finds a way to remind you He is there. A couple of weeks ago I was driving to work listening to Hillary Scott’s album “Love Remains.” I’ve listened to it at least 50 times. “Sheltered in the Arms of God” came on. I started mindlessly singing along to this song I grew up listening to. At some point I focused in on the drums and was whisked off in a vivid flashback. It was more of a vision than a memory because I was seeing something I’m not sure actually happened.
I was back in the church my family attended when I was a child. Up on the stage, in the corner, was my dad and his drum set. With each beat of the drum I could visualize my dad playing along. I could see the unique way he tapped on the snare. I could see him closing his eyes and letting himself get lost in the music. It was a culmination of the thousands of times I watched him play the drums at church. This time though, he was playing a song just for me. Singing along to that song felt like we were singing together again. There was peace and comfort in that moment. I knew God was using that song to touch base and remind me that I am always sheltered in His arms.
This moment was made even more significant because it has taken me years to be able to think about my dad and not feel an overwhelming sense of utter sadness. I spent so many years being angry at God and resenting the fact that my dad died that I forgot to remember all the happy times. Only recently have I been able to open up and rejoice in the things he left behind. I can now appreciate the wonderful legacy he left in the music he instilled in us.
Once again, I realized God and my dad have always been there. In the music I hold so very dear. Memories of my dad have always been tucked away in the drum licks and mandolin pickin’s of all the songs he used to love. I will forever be thankful that remembering my dad will always be as simple as pressing play on an old song.
I am also thankful for God’s gentle reminder that He is always there. Let the storms rage high and the dark clouds rise because they don’t worry me. For I’m sheltered safe within the arms of God.